I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
