Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
