Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
