it's too hot outside to masturbate.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
