a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
