he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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