I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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