Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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