im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
