i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
