Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
