When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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