Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
