my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I need to stop coming to work sober
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
