when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
