I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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