Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
