I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
