My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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