Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
