Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
