At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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