One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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