Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
