pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You don't make any sense
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