the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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