I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
