dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
