I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
