oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Who died my cat blue again?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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