I heard we made out
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
