dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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