Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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