how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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