Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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