I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
