is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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