piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
