just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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