i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
