I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
