chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
