Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
