dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
