I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
