He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
