Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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