I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize