he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
