It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
