Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just google imaged poop.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
