Where is the hickey?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
