A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
