Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
