WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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