Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
