There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
