she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
