i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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