Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
