im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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