Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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