I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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