remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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