I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
